The Journey Through Grief and Loss
What is Grief?
Grief is a normal process that we all experience after a loss of some kind. Some losses may be more obvious to us than others, so we will expect to grieve them, but sometimes we may find ourselves grieving for something even though we didn't expect to.
Here is a list of some things that may cause us to grieve (some of them may surprise you!):
- The death of a loved one or friend
- The loss of a friend (through a disagreement or relocation)
- Separation or divorce
- The removal of a limb, organ or other part of the body
- Death or loss of a pet
- Loss of lifestyle, sport or hobby (eg. through illness or injury)
- Moving house
- A change of employment (even if for the better!)
- A change in financial status
- A change in social group (eg. church, club, etc.)
Grief is a normal process
There are certain stages in the grieving process that everyone will go through after a loss. The important thing is to recognise that what you are going through is normal and to accept the process.
Unfortunately grief doesn't go away just because you want it to, no matter how much we would like to "snap out of it" or try to pretend that it isn't happening. The more you fight it, the more painful the process will be.
Antidepressants are not the answer
Some people may try to avoid grieving by resorting to anti-depressants. While this may help them function initially, the grief will remain unresolved and can cause a lifetime of depression. In order to function without anti-depressants, they will eventually have to succumb to the grief process and let it run its course. While grief may not be the most "comfortable" experience to go through, it is an important part of personal growth.
Because we are all different, we will grieve differently, so don't assume that you will experience the grief stages in the same order as someone else.
Don't do it alone
Remember, although grief is a lonely process, you don't have to go through it alone. Seek out supportive family and friends who will allow you to talk it through with them. If you feel overwhelmed by your grief, seek the help of a counsellor, pastor or other helping professional.
The stages of grief
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Shock - You can't believe what has happened, and you're confused about why it has happened. You feel numb. |
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Denial - You can't believe it could have happened to you or your family. |
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Being Really Upset - You feel heartbroken, burst into tears and feel like crying for a long time. |
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Feeling Really Sad and Unhappy - You feel gloomy, heavy hearted, choked up inside, down in the dumps. You are still crying at times. |
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Feeling Alone - You feel lonely, like no one else has had the same experience, or could feel the same as you, or could know how you feel. |
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Feeling Guilty - You feel lousy because you think that maybe you somehow caused what happened or that you could have stopped it from happening. |
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Feeling Angry - You feel like you hate what happened, hate the world, your parents or family, maybe even your friends and yourself. |
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Wishful Thinking - You begin to remember only the good things and times with the person and you wish that they would come back. You start to forget the not so good things. |
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Getting Back to Normal - Starting to feel less upset about things now, beginning to see that sometimes you can feel OK and that maybe life can go on again. |
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Accepting It - You don't feel happy about it, but you realise that it has happened and it can't be undone and you've stopped pretending it hasn't happened. |
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Getting On - You realise that life does go on for you and everyone else and that you can feel happy again. |
